Please Say This Ain't So

I think the worst part about growing up is realizing you are not unique.
Yet we still search for different. Is it possible for different to run out? Is there a limited supply of different? And where can I get myself some of this different?


I didn't tune in for much of the Super Bowl because the Puppy Bowl had my heart, however I managed to catch the unlikely coupling of Bob Dylan and Will.I.Am (...and let's not forget about Gumby too) for a Pepsi ad. You know what? It worked for what it was: refreshing and bubbly, just like the pop. But some pairs should never even be considered. How this snuck past the drawing board still baffles me. There is a fine line between creative coupling and tasteless toiling with the past to make it the present. Double G not only walked the line, but crossed it too.


Tired of Dave Mathews and O.A.R. UCONN? Well, suck it in suck it in suck it in if you're Rin Tin Tin because here comes Asher Roth to spit it back out. What sets Asher Roth aside from other rappers? No, the answer's not because he's white. Asher Roth may be compared to Eminem but that's due to his voice sounding frighteningly similar- it certainly can't be his lyrics. If anything, he's emulating Vanilla Ice. Yes, the lyrics are that mind numbing.

man i love college

and i love drinkin

i love women

i love college

I give him credit for writing about what he knows..... Even if all he knows is blatantly unimpressive. I can't wait for the hilarity to ensue 10 years from now when he's ripped a new one on VH1's I Love The 00's. Then again, maybe we won't have to wait that long. Roth is set in a league of his own because he raps about 'The Good Life' of the suburbs. It may be like nothing else hip hop has seen before but it's everything any Pinkerton fan has. Asher, after you've graduated from your red plastic solo cups, you should probably credit Rivers Cuomo at some point. And I wouldn't play the "it's-one-note-off-so-it's-different" card because that too, has already been done.

Fruit Covered Nails: A Few Words on "The Migratory Woodland Creatures of North America"

'NUFF ALREADY. ....

Deer tick, The deer tracks, The dear hunter, Deerhunter, Loney dear, Dear and the headlights, Deerhoof....
If you're a band that's still searching for a name, here's a hint. Don't use any variation of the word deer since it's likely already taken. Please. All this talk is making me bonkers. I'm gonna escape and listen to Caribou.

Oh damn it.


Bear jokes in 2009, (I'm sure studies will show), are just not as funny as they were in 2008. They're laughablity is declining. Still present mind you, but expoentially dwindling. We have to remember that bear jokes are not expendable. Americans abused their bear joke consumption in 2008 and the perilous effects are begining to show. If we don't act, now even Stephen Colbert won't have sustainable bear joke useage. Please save the bear jokes so they are not depleted by the time your children have children.


Animal Collective has a new album out? Just joshing you. But really, please say no more. I for one, am seeing Animal Collective live for two reasons and two reasons alone:
1) Just so I can tell my children I did so.
2) Bears.

Hi, I'm Glowing

Dear Diary,

Tonight I met Titus Andronicus. Golly, I just can't get them out of my head. I'm so giddy right now. They're worth it enough to spew out a few words after just one listen. If you know me, I'm not that type of girl at all. I don't know a clue about the band and I worry maybe we're moving a bit too fast. I should slow it down and not rush into things. You know, play them during different times of the day to see how they fit in with my different moods. Then I thought to myself, narrrrr. This is the beginning of something magical. I just know it :)




My first thought summed up was, so this is what Desaparecidos would sound like if they were good.

Myspace, but get the selftitled cd because it doesn't have My Time outside the Womb or Fear and Loathing in Mahwah, NJ.

Now if only they'd randomly break out in Weezer songs shamlessly at concerts, whether they can cover it well or not, then they'd be the perfect band for me.

The Denial Twist

Note to self: Giving the old lady in the crosswalk the right-of-way while pulling out of your local Stop & Shop after stocking up on vegan delectables at 11am on a Monday morning does not qualify you as "bad to the bone," even if that's what you happen to be blasting from your pickup truck.

Have I found myself in this predicament? Maybe.

Hypothetically if I did, would it make me a better person? Yes. The denial twist: It would help me realize some songs just make you a generic asshole no what you are doing. You could be macrameing mittens for an entire children's hospital but are still guaranteed embarrassment if it is to any of the following: Feel Like Makin Love-Bad Company, Faded-Soul Decision*, Abracadabra-Steve Miller Band, You Sexy Thing-Hot Chocolate, DJ. DJ.-Transplants, a few Bloodhound gang diddies, or any song written by Aerosmith while not on drugs. Pink? I condone consuming illegal substances for dire times as so.




Note to self: Fingerless gloves are more than just a Billy Idol trademark. The denial twist: They are a bond to our society. The glue that holds our community together. These gloves allow us to find a sense of identity in all walks of life and is reminder that we are all human beings.

I've broken society up into five main demographics.

1). Hipsters. What goes hand in hand perfectly with fingerless gloves? A scarf. Hipsters love scarves! A hipster with out a scarf is like a smurf without its color. They worship them so much, it is impossible to separate the two even once indoors. The concept is so non practical- just like fingerless gloves. Wait until American Apparel thinks of this! Oh, too late. Let's review some basic math: 1/2 = 50% of a hipster's haven's merchandise.

2). 8 year olds. Third grades eat this up! Why? What's the best way to tick mom off? Going outside without your coat on! Do you know how upset I was when I had to wear a coat over my Halloween costume? I rebelled for weeks to never wear a coat despite my mother's orders. Eight year olds: here's your chance! Start off small and build your way up to ridiculous from there. Hey, look at any Julie Taymor film.

3). Nondescript Eastern European refugees with a handkerchief tied to a stick who look like they're on the cover of the third Zeppelin album. Have you seen one who didn't pull them off well?

4). YouTube users with names such as XemoXXgothX or Sk8r4life69 who make music videos to Hawthorne Heights and Taking Back Sunday ballads. 'Nough said.

5). Those who are condemned by the wrath of the recession. What's the best way to hold a jagged empty soup can that was once the home of a sole Lima bean which you split down the middle in order to feed you and your dog? With a fingerless glove!

So the next time you smirk at a fellow sporting this overlooked, underrated apparel, remember it's not as pointless as it looks.




Note to self: Start your days off right by waking up to this. The denial twist: You may feel smarter instantly but a little false sense of security never hurt anybody.





*I once had a roommate who kept this on repeat. We didn't work out. (At 1:27, the pain becomes worth it).

Fruit Covered Nails: A Few Words on "Helping The Hype"

When I first heard Vampire Weekend, I was scared one more listen and I would find myself at an ugly sweater-vest party sporting a pair of boat shoes. Too much Vampire Weekend in too little time might be perilous for anyone.

A year later, Vampire Weekend was on my list of the most overrated albums birthed by 2008. The damage was done.

On second thought, maybe I will help the hype. After all, there was reason it was stuck on repeat in my head and in my truck.




'Mansford Roof" didn't strike my fancy at first listen. I thought with a name like Vampire Weekend here struts another quirky indie rock band imitating an artist which was influenced by another that was channeling The Velvet Underground.

I stand corrected. No really, I do. By the time 'Oxford Comma' had finished, I was done. It was over. I joined in the craze.

'Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa' has college radio hit written all over it. It's uncomplicated and catchy but aware of not being too catchy. I unconditionally fall for any band who is sly enough to sound as though they are not trying too hard. That way, you feel hip in order to be worthy enough to listen. 'Walcot' and 'Campus' hooks are smooth and smart while the lyrics are charming and clever. It's so pretentious it becomes unpretentious by default.

'A-Punk' is my pick. The guitar riffs are a play on the early 70's American punk meets the present day indie-rock gimmick. You just can't hate the song. It differs from other tracks such as 'M79', 'Boston', and 'Bryn' where Vampire Weekend proves you can only do so much afropop without making it all sound the same. Despite being far from flawless, the self titled album did just about everything but smile back and tell me to have a dashing afternoon. At the height of their hype, Vampire Weekend undoubtedly remains a defining band of 2008, overrated or not.

One more whammy. It seems these lads (and Peter Gabriel too) know how to make a music video. The first few seconds gave me the illusion I had stepped into a Tarantino film. It just reeks the essence of cool when Ezra Koenig swaggers, "Who gives a f*ck about an Oxford Comma?"


But the real question they should be asking: Does indie-rock's prize have the power to overcome the infamous second album slump or do the kids don't stand a chance?