Worst Christmas Songs Everrrrrrrrrrr

Last year counted down the top songs people love to hate. This year: the worst christmas songs of all time. OF ALL TIME!!

1. The Christmas song that gives you step by step directions on how to go grocery shopping. Plus he was probably going to the grocery store because the snow was falling and like most people, was afraid if he didn’t go to the store, he would starve and he would die.

“SAME OLD LANG SYNE”- DAN FOGELBERG

Met my old lover in the grocery store


The snow was falling Christmas Eve


I stole behind her in the frozen foods


And I touched her on the sleeve…

She went to hug me and she spilled her purse


And we laughed until we cried



We took her groceries to the checkout stand


The food was totaled up and bagged


2. I just straight up hate this song! He ruined the words ‘simply’ and ‘having’ forever for me.

“SIMPLY HAVING A WONDERFUL CHRISTMAS TIME”- PAUL MCCARTNEY

3. Of all the Christmas songs about prostitution, this one takes the cake because it’s the only one by a band who is basically an orchestra for a roller disco.

“THANK GOD ITS NOT CHRISTMAS”- SPARKS

Thank God it's not Christmas


Where there's just you to do


and the rest is closed to public view

Dear God it's Bad! I have to blog about it!

I was expecting this to be something along the lines of that book, The Perfect Storm. At least that's what the hype made it out to be. Four artists coming together to call themselves, "The Monsters of Folk". It sounds like a super group, which is what one was expecting.

And that's what went wrong. None of these members do well in a collective group. They are used standing alone or shinning in their own project. There's Conor Oberst the front man of Bright Eyes and even more so, Desaparcidos. Mike Mogis, his "right hand man" according to my promotional insert. Yim Yames who is really Jim James when he's in My Morning Jacket. And M. Ward. Alone I love listening to them. Together they sound like the white folk version of New Edition.

Not all of it is a train wreck. Some songs compliment each other, such as the juxtaposition between M. Ward's lullaby voice and Conor Oberst poetic chords in 'Whole Lotta Losin.' If you're a loyal fan to Conor Oberst & the Mystic Valley Band or M. Ward's solo project, then some songs such as 'Man Named Truth' or 'Sandman, The Brakeman, and Me' may strike your fancy, but this is no album to convert folk followers.

Most of the album felt reused from each artist's latter works. Even the concept of 'folk supergroup' has been done. The Traveling Wilburys. Is it ironic that Conor Oberst has been one of the original artists awarded by critics the phrase 'the next Bob Dylan' or that Yim Yames put out his own album of only George Harrison covers at the same time? My personal favorite by "The Monsters of Folk" was 'Magic Marker'. It rang like nothing else I've heard before and the lyrics were endearing.

But 'Dear God' sounds like the Backstreet Boys grew up, turned indie, and are trying to seduce some art school girl in over sized vintage framed glasses during a candle lit dinner. It's My Morning Jacket gone bad!

Down With The Sickness

I have devised (in theory mind you) the ultimate virus for a Macintosh. If it were possible for Macs to obtain a virus, I feel the one that would be the most perilous amongst Mac owners would be to start up your computer only to find that it has turned itself from a Mac into a PC. It would be the swine flu epidemic of the computer world.

Better Hope You Make It

It's 2:28 in the am and I am blasting "Party Hard" so hard right now in the lobby and it feels so good.

If I had a twitter I would twat...no that can't be right.
If I had a twitter I would tweet that.

But I don't, so I won't.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
this is how heavenly Andrew W.K is. As soon as I found out that he's NOT a former member of Hanson (yeah I don't know why I went through most of my second half of my teenage life thinking that until a couple months ago, but I thought he was the 4th Hanson brother that was the black sheep of the family who rebelled with heavy metal rock but still couldn't escape his bubblegum happy roots), I immedately began to fall and there was no going back. SIGH....I'm hopeless.

Speaking of black sheep I forgot about this.
And if you want 3 other minutes that you can't get back .....


Now my itunes switched to Andrew Bird. Did Noble Beast bore anyone else to sleep because I really feel I am standing alone....


da ba dee
da ba dee
da ba doo
thats all.

Wild Hearts

What's in a name? Does thing-a-bobber take on a new meaning with a different label even if it's the same thing-a-magig? It's just words but by giving a title, you are giving an excuse for actions. And all the while there is a big hussy fuss about it. I mean you say tomato, I say tomahto! You say punk, I say punx! I say theatre, you say theater.....

Woah there cowboy! Let's get some things straight. Theater is the building which stories are told. Theatre is that thing-a-macallit which one does. Okie dokie, so the next time I mention theatre you'll be thinking exactly what I am, right? That's equivalent to saying what's punk to you is punk to me. It's mighty hard when to some, punk died decades ago and to many, punk isn't even referring to music. Even when specific, both words still have different connotations.

We are a generation of generalizations. When it comes to music, what's post really? What exactly is meant by prog? And then there's the big one. Indie. I never understood how that could be classified as a genre. Plus there's endless variations; no one can entirely agree on one word. Indie pop, rock, etc. Once you add hardcore-electronic-math-dream-experimental-afro-indie folk into the mix, I get so lost. What is it!? It just sounds like music to my ears! AHHHH I HATE DECIDING!Don't forget about the opposite of indie: Top 40. Despite the negitive hype attached with a major label that allows the possibilty of a producer making decisions for an artist, I don't think Top 40 is bad. The Beatles were in the top 40. And what did we get? Across the Universe! (oh and maybe some other great bands along the way too). But what would have happened if Across the Universe didn't exist? Yes, Julie Taymor might not have been able to go off and direct a Broadway bank-buster with an Irish dude in sunglasses who had a charted hit or thirty.

Sometimes I feel the same way about theatre that I do about top 40. There are so many independent theatre companies not on a certain street in New York or anywhere someone desires to hear a story, who put on a professional show without the big name production company which has a hot shot producer to front an endless budget. They work from a grassroots perspective. A sort of Do It Yourself philosophy which allows them to run all aspects of a theatre, acting, directing, lighting, sound, scenic design, etc themselves. The only way to be successful is for creativity to be at it's finest. It's that same gusto for the love of true theatre that drives the independent music scene. Insert any DIY punk band here: (Love is all we need. Except that love isn't really all we need. We need compassion. And we need empathy. And we need love. And we need money or another way to fulfill the BASIC needs we all have.)

I believe Broadway is fantastic. Top 40 ain't too shabby either. In this economy, everyone needs support. However, it is times like these that I usually find myself supporting the underdog instead.

Such as The Gaslight Anthem. They have been my obsession of this month. Somethings you can't explain. Somethings are understood better with no words and left alone for one to make a decision of their own. To each person who listens, it's considered something different. With this band, I don't get a chance to choose. I get the best of both worlds. And that's exactly why I like them.

I started off the blog saying The Gaslight Anthem is classic rock (nooooo it doesn't really exist!) meets punk (grrrrrr punk died!). No one would have known what I meant. How could those words and those labels hold any weight at all? I decided I'd put it this way....

Two summers ago I was high off anything The Boss has touched. Last summer The Hold Steady scored my days. This summer I can't wait to blast The Gaslight Anthem on any given humid familiar afternoon. Because to some, The Gaslight Anthem is brazen rock n roll. To them, it's true punk. To everyone, it's music. To me, they are good, and maybe you can join me

This summer
grant us all the power

to drink on top of the water towers

with love and trust and shows all summer.

Let this be my annual reminder

that we can all be something bigger.

Raise a toast to St Joe Strummer.

Think he might've been our only decent teacher.
Getting older only makes it harder to remember
we are our only saviors.
We're gonna build something this summer.

The Days After No Future

Just like no two snowfakes are the same, no two people have the same way of brushing their teeth. Some like to leave the room and come back. Others will carry on a nonexistent conversation with you through several ooosshga's and booopa's between every spit. Some prefer a cinnamon paste, a select few a bubblegum paste, others a mint, but no one an orange mint. I think that's the most important thing to remember about dental hygiene. No one likes the orange mint toothpaste.

But every now and then when I'm brushing my teeth I think about my dad's number one rule: It only counts if you brushed away to an entire song. Every night, after I had hopped in my onesies and combed out my hair, we'd put on a tape and brush until a song was over. Usually it was Chubby Checker, Elvis, or any Doo-Wop song. I think it's funny that most people think of the 1950's when you say Doo-Wop. I think of molars.

Sort of how when someone mentions snow, I think Star Wars. Every time we drove in the snow at night, my mom used to slow the car down then speed up so that the flakes would hit the car fast and turn into long white lines. She did this to pretend we were in that scene during A New Hope when the Millennium Falcon switched into light speed. The force is with her.

When I first moved away I tried making friends with people who reminded me of those I had left behind. It took me a long time to realize I had got it all wrong. Instead, I befriended those who made me feel the same way as they did.

Thank you to the dozen or so people who I started and ended my day with over the past week. It really says a lot about someone if they take you into their homes, but it says more about the people if they remind you of those back home, even it makes you think of doing "the twist."

Try To Forget The World Doesn't Need You Around

Lets go, lets go right away Lets go, lets go real soon Lets go right now

I think them Reducers are onto something...

Please Say This Ain't So

I think the worst part about growing up is realizing you are not unique.
Yet we still search for different. Is it possible for different to run out? Is there a limited supply of different? And where can I get myself some of this different?


I didn't tune in for much of the Super Bowl because the Puppy Bowl had my heart, however I managed to catch the unlikely coupling of Bob Dylan and Will.I.Am (...and let's not forget about Gumby too) for a Pepsi ad. You know what? It worked for what it was: refreshing and bubbly, just like the pop. But some pairs should never even be considered. How this snuck past the drawing board still baffles me. There is a fine line between creative coupling and tasteless toiling with the past to make it the present. Double G not only walked the line, but crossed it too.


Tired of Dave Mathews and O.A.R. UCONN? Well, suck it in suck it in suck it in if you're Rin Tin Tin because here comes Asher Roth to spit it back out. What sets Asher Roth aside from other rappers? No, the answer's not because he's white. Asher Roth may be compared to Eminem but that's due to his voice sounding frighteningly similar- it certainly can't be his lyrics. If anything, he's emulating Vanilla Ice. Yes, the lyrics are that mind numbing.

man i love college

and i love drinkin

i love women

i love college

I give him credit for writing about what he knows..... Even if all he knows is blatantly unimpressive. I can't wait for the hilarity to ensue 10 years from now when he's ripped a new one on VH1's I Love The 00's. Then again, maybe we won't have to wait that long. Roth is set in a league of his own because he raps about 'The Good Life' of the suburbs. It may be like nothing else hip hop has seen before but it's everything any Pinkerton fan has. Asher, after you've graduated from your red plastic solo cups, you should probably credit Rivers Cuomo at some point. And I wouldn't play the "it's-one-note-off-so-it's-different" card because that too, has already been done.

Fruit Covered Nails: A Few Words on "The Migratory Woodland Creatures of North America"

'NUFF ALREADY. ....

Deer tick, The deer tracks, The dear hunter, Deerhunter, Loney dear, Dear and the headlights, Deerhoof....
If you're a band that's still searching for a name, here's a hint. Don't use any variation of the word deer since it's likely already taken. Please. All this talk is making me bonkers. I'm gonna escape and listen to Caribou.

Oh damn it.


Bear jokes in 2009, (I'm sure studies will show), are just not as funny as they were in 2008. They're laughablity is declining. Still present mind you, but expoentially dwindling. We have to remember that bear jokes are not expendable. Americans abused their bear joke consumption in 2008 and the perilous effects are begining to show. If we don't act, now even Stephen Colbert won't have sustainable bear joke useage. Please save the bear jokes so they are not depleted by the time your children have children.


Animal Collective has a new album out? Just joshing you. But really, please say no more. I for one, am seeing Animal Collective live for two reasons and two reasons alone:
1) Just so I can tell my children I did so.
2) Bears.

Hi, I'm Glowing

Dear Diary,

Tonight I met Titus Andronicus. Golly, I just can't get them out of my head. I'm so giddy right now. They're worth it enough to spew out a few words after just one listen. If you know me, I'm not that type of girl at all. I don't know a clue about the band and I worry maybe we're moving a bit too fast. I should slow it down and not rush into things. You know, play them during different times of the day to see how they fit in with my different moods. Then I thought to myself, narrrrr. This is the beginning of something magical. I just know it :)




My first thought summed up was, so this is what Desaparecidos would sound like if they were good.

Myspace, but get the selftitled cd because it doesn't have My Time outside the Womb or Fear and Loathing in Mahwah, NJ.

Now if only they'd randomly break out in Weezer songs shamlessly at concerts, whether they can cover it well or not, then they'd be the perfect band for me.

The Denial Twist

Note to self: Giving the old lady in the crosswalk the right-of-way while pulling out of your local Stop & Shop after stocking up on vegan delectables at 11am on a Monday morning does not qualify you as "bad to the bone," even if that's what you happen to be blasting from your pickup truck.

Have I found myself in this predicament? Maybe.

Hypothetically if I did, would it make me a better person? Yes. The denial twist: It would help me realize some songs just make you a generic asshole no what you are doing. You could be macrameing mittens for an entire children's hospital but are still guaranteed embarrassment if it is to any of the following: Feel Like Makin Love-Bad Company, Faded-Soul Decision*, Abracadabra-Steve Miller Band, You Sexy Thing-Hot Chocolate, DJ. DJ.-Transplants, a few Bloodhound gang diddies, or any song written by Aerosmith while not on drugs. Pink? I condone consuming illegal substances for dire times as so.




Note to self: Fingerless gloves are more than just a Billy Idol trademark. The denial twist: They are a bond to our society. The glue that holds our community together. These gloves allow us to find a sense of identity in all walks of life and is reminder that we are all human beings.

I've broken society up into five main demographics.

1). Hipsters. What goes hand in hand perfectly with fingerless gloves? A scarf. Hipsters love scarves! A hipster with out a scarf is like a smurf without its color. They worship them so much, it is impossible to separate the two even once indoors. The concept is so non practical- just like fingerless gloves. Wait until American Apparel thinks of this! Oh, too late. Let's review some basic math: 1/2 = 50% of a hipster's haven's merchandise.

2). 8 year olds. Third grades eat this up! Why? What's the best way to tick mom off? Going outside without your coat on! Do you know how upset I was when I had to wear a coat over my Halloween costume? I rebelled for weeks to never wear a coat despite my mother's orders. Eight year olds: here's your chance! Start off small and build your way up to ridiculous from there. Hey, look at any Julie Taymor film.

3). Nondescript Eastern European refugees with a handkerchief tied to a stick who look like they're on the cover of the third Zeppelin album. Have you seen one who didn't pull them off well?

4). YouTube users with names such as XemoXXgothX or Sk8r4life69 who make music videos to Hawthorne Heights and Taking Back Sunday ballads. 'Nough said.

5). Those who are condemned by the wrath of the recession. What's the best way to hold a jagged empty soup can that was once the home of a sole Lima bean which you split down the middle in order to feed you and your dog? With a fingerless glove!

So the next time you smirk at a fellow sporting this overlooked, underrated apparel, remember it's not as pointless as it looks.




Note to self: Start your days off right by waking up to this. The denial twist: You may feel smarter instantly but a little false sense of security never hurt anybody.





*I once had a roommate who kept this on repeat. We didn't work out. (At 1:27, the pain becomes worth it).

Fruit Covered Nails: A Few Words on "Helping The Hype"

When I first heard Vampire Weekend, I was scared one more listen and I would find myself at an ugly sweater-vest party sporting a pair of boat shoes. Too much Vampire Weekend in too little time might be perilous for anyone.

A year later, Vampire Weekend was on my list of the most overrated albums birthed by 2008. The damage was done.

On second thought, maybe I will help the hype. After all, there was reason it was stuck on repeat in my head and in my truck.




'Mansford Roof" didn't strike my fancy at first listen. I thought with a name like Vampire Weekend here struts another quirky indie rock band imitating an artist which was influenced by another that was channeling The Velvet Underground.

I stand corrected. No really, I do. By the time 'Oxford Comma' had finished, I was done. It was over. I joined in the craze.

'Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa' has college radio hit written all over it. It's uncomplicated and catchy but aware of not being too catchy. I unconditionally fall for any band who is sly enough to sound as though they are not trying too hard. That way, you feel hip in order to be worthy enough to listen. 'Walcot' and 'Campus' hooks are smooth and smart while the lyrics are charming and clever. It's so pretentious it becomes unpretentious by default.

'A-Punk' is my pick. The guitar riffs are a play on the early 70's American punk meets the present day indie-rock gimmick. You just can't hate the song. It differs from other tracks such as 'M79', 'Boston', and 'Bryn' where Vampire Weekend proves you can only do so much afropop without making it all sound the same. Despite being far from flawless, the self titled album did just about everything but smile back and tell me to have a dashing afternoon. At the height of their hype, Vampire Weekend undoubtedly remains a defining band of 2008, overrated or not.

One more whammy. It seems these lads (and Peter Gabriel too) know how to make a music video. The first few seconds gave me the illusion I had stepped into a Tarantino film. It just reeks the essence of cool when Ezra Koenig swaggers, "Who gives a f*ck about an Oxford Comma?"


But the real question they should be asking: Does indie-rock's prize have the power to overcome the infamous second album slump or do the kids don't stand a chance?